As I wrote another post today on this blog, it immediately reminded me that I do not have Mahe, who was a wonderful sister and a loving daughter to me, who would always read and get back!!!!
Yeah, it's a month now since we lost a wonderful soul. It is still unbelievable that I often go back to your whatsapp profile to check if my last three messages were read only to find it is not. God, it is painful.
She is the only one to whom I had written those many number of letters so far. There were three of us who used to write to each other even while we were together physically everyday. She was one among the three. It is so heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time to read her letters today. It does bring a lot of tears and smiles. Not sure to express how it feels. I regret that we did not continue our beautiful ritual of writing to each other.
She is never gonna get to read this letter of mine; yet, I for selfish reasons write this and make myself feel better.
She is there, out there, somewhere in the sky. Watching her loving husband, tiny kid, her parents and all of us. That's how I feel. Such a wonderful soul who was never in any hurry in any of her works. Such a composed person who loved everyone, mostly unconditionally. We had our own ups and downs in our relationship and glad that we got back to where we left loving each others in her last few years, unaware of that fact.
Those downs were mainly because of me as I felt a little suffocated with your love. Now I get that you showered all of us with abundance of your love, may be because of your short period of stay on this earth. I feel horrible for having missed you for while! Why did I, Mahe?! and now missing your forever. :-(
All those everyday train travels, long hour chats - in person and on mobile, sharing of letters, movies, restaurants, shopping - those are all so fresh in my mind and I feel terrible that your calm appearance had totally shattered in last few months.
Though it began as a student-teacher, it grew as sisterly relationship and at one point we started feeling as a mother-daughter duo and it felt so lovely. May be that is why it is difficult to accept her absence.
Do not know what to write more. Wish I could pour out all that I have in me. May be some other time.
Miss you ammu. Love you loads and loads. My tightest hug and kiss to you da.
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